in two days

it'll be a year,
-sigh-

Sometimes you just need to cry, be sad, break down, and be torn apart. You need to learn how to pick yourself up and put yourself back together. Sometimes, the only way to be happy is to give into sadness first, cause without sadness, there's no happiness, you would never learn to smile.

From my experience, I realized you only get two out of three in the category of family, friends, and love. It is nearly impossible to achieve full potential happiness in all three areas. I juss hope someday there'll be an exception and I'll get three out of three :)

Sooooo. . . I think i found my childhood puppy 'crush' LOL nd all i'm sayin is daaaamn ;D Hahaha

I THINK THAT WAS THE ABSOLUTE BEST ;D

I hate work. Hate hate hate it . . Need a break frm all this :( so glad homecoming is near nd got both dates for nw nd atech suwoooop! Hella excited. For now, gotta suck it up!

Family in the PI has been affected by the typhoon. I'm such a wreck right now. Praying praying praying everything will be okay. . .
& in times like these, I wish I had you again. WTFCK's wrong with me:(

Andrew Zoll:)

We have such a complex, beautiful, and authentic friendship that I know others envy. Other than my family, you're the most important person in my life. I can't even describe how lucky I am to have YOU as my best friend. You've NEVER let me down, not once. I don't know how you do it, seriously, but I fucking love you for everything you do. ahaha. CHUUUUWAAARIWAAAPP! LOL:)))

I'm so sorry :( i dnt knw what else to say. I feel so heartless, pls forgive me. The last thing i wanted to do was to hurt you. But thats why i ended it now rather than disappointing you further in the future. I'm apologizing for the fact that i wasn't being straightforward with you. I should've told you how i felt frm the get go, instead of forcing my feelings for you to progress. Oh god, pls dnt act like yr okay. I knw yr upset, let me have it. I dnt want you to keep it all inside, do something! I'll feel better knowin how you truly feel rather than putting up a facade. Let it out, i deserve it. Stop making it seem like yr okay. I knw yr not! Ugh. Juss let me feel my mistake cos you dnt need to feel this way. You nd I both knw how hard it's been, but dnt think I won't miss you cos I will. . Sry:(

Officially with you . . :) 9.20.09 @ 7:20 pm<3

Yuuuuuup.

So goooooooood, mmmhm :)

Yr baaaaaaaack ! Its been too long of a minute boyy, i was startin to forget bout you . . Lol. But for the record, i'm still single ;) teehehehe.

My mom is my superwoman. She's juss plainly amazing:)

My favorite part of the day is at night when i get to talk to you:)<3

txtmsg<3

Date : Sep 07, 01:47 am
"I wanna wrap my arms around you and hold you close. Lay on the bed, cuddling, not even doing a single thing, but being with each other. Your presence making me feel out of this world. Christia, I really like you, I hope you don't think what I say is BS, I mean it when I say I how much I like you. You're so different from other females. You give off a positive vibe, you're real, and thats what I like the most. Boo, you have been through a lot, but you have me. I'm here when you need me ok??? STOP thinking too much, just go with the flow. Thats what I'm doing, and everyday you can count on me to make you happier than yesterday. Tomorrow happier than today. I CAN'T wait to see you sweeeeetie finally get to see you again. Sleep tight for me, sweet dreams boo. Night."
From : Drew

--omfggggggg, siiiighsssss<3

So like, why you so obsessed wit me?

AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA. eggggsaaactly!

i feeeel like i haven't blogged inna while.
haven't rly felt the mood to recently, but lets catch up, shall we?
hmmmmmmmm. . . i'm rly rly rly rly rly rly ridiculously tired right now but for some reason i felt the need to blog.
i would juss make a vlog, but i look rly tired and my hair is a hot mess, aha next time(:
ANYWAY.
this week has been OUTTAAAA THIS WORLD. . . AMAZING. school's been such a success, i'm doing SO SO SO well in my classes! except for this one day, where i didn't do the hw in calc so i decided to drop that class since i know i suck at it and i dnt rly need it right now, plus it was the last period of my day so i had the option of dropping it and getting a free period, or getting out early. which i did. so now i'm only down to 7 classes, YEEEE(: its not that big of a change, but i figure calc would be my worst subject and i have a lot of workload already from mod lit and ap gov and medical assisting so i'd be overwhelmed. so once i did that, me & andrew celebrated our first day of free period and went to quiznos for lunch! ahahaha, not the quiznos i used to work at, the one next to the school cos i dnt feel like seeing my old co-workers. i believe that day was. . . friday?! YEAHH. last day of the week.
friday night was good. highlight of my night, actually two highlights. . I MET THE MOST HANDSOME GUY I'D SEEN IN PERSON. . . but he was gay!!! second highlight. . . the security guard who passed by us had the most incredible SMILE, ¬ to mention, he was so cute letting me ride that police scooter thing, haha. but guess what? he had a gf =// DOUBLE WHAMMY, right? LMFAO. wrong. well even though those two were unavailable, i got to be close to steven, the gay one, and aha he's jusss hella fun to talk to. i promised him we'd go clubbing soon and show him around vegas since he juss moved here from hawaii. new bffs:) ahahaha, well not really, but he said we should be LMFAO. its okay, being friends w/ a cute gay guy is always goood. &even though the security guy, melvin, had a gf, he still wanted my number. LMFAOOOOO. everyone was saying, you can be his mistress. OMFG. ahahaha lets not go there. but yeah, we could be friends, right? so being friendly. . . i gave it to him. hahaha, so even though both were SOOO unavailable, i'm now friends with two hot guys. . . hahaha. i really don't know why i get along w/ guys so much easier than girls. i guess its cos guys aren't rly shy and they're more enjoyable to be around. girls are so annoying when they're shy and don't know what to say or do to liven up the conversation. &if you know me, you KNOW i highly highly dislike it when someone is shy and act like they're better than me. &OH, girls prolly don't like me cos i'm always around guys, so they give off a rude, 'why the fck is this bitch around all these guys, she ain't even that cute' look. YEAH, yknw what im talkin bout. girls pretty much annoy me. well, this is more directed to girls i dnt knw &who give off that attitude. the ones i knw are juss like me. . . crazy, random, outspoken . . those are the type of girls i chill wit. LOL sorry, i'm goin off on a whole other tangent here. . . SO THAT WAS FRIDAY NIGHT, along w/ best pickin me up(after gettin done w/ gf #1, LMFAO) &gettin boba w/ my cousins, the entourage & i FINALLY kickn it again, FRIDAY NIGHT WAS HELLAAA CHILLLL. it was like a reunion w/ cousins the entourage, loooooveeed it.
SATURDAY . . . HAPPY BDAY VICVIC! cuzzo's bday that day, and i prepared for her a WHOLE day of activities she loves. SHOPPING, EATING, BOBA, KARAOKE, PICTURES, PICTURES, PICTURES. since i couldn't do what she REALLY wanted me to do for her bday, i tried making up for it. & i'm so glad she had fun. thanksss to best for taking uss everywhere, yr the best!(: & even though i blew half my paycheck that day, it was all worth it for her.
SUNDAY. . . which JUST ended, was relaxed. woke up w/ cuzzo, made a delish breakfast for us again, she loved it! i'm rly starting to think breakfast is my specialty. i can make a MEEANNNN breakfast, best believe! mwahaha, so we chilled &watched baby mama for a while until kuya mikko picked her up, since my mom took the car for work, we couldn't do anything that day. &on the contrary, i had work. . but work was actually gooood. even though i dnt work w/ bff, it was fun. edgar, this one co-worker who's been talking to me, surprised me w/ green tea frapuccino. awhhhhh, i was flattered, LOL. it made my day, cos i was sad after cuzzo had to leave. when i got off, went to wal-mart w/ mommaaa. bought new nail polish & body wash. aha random, but yeaaah. got home, started to paint my nails when alll of a sudden, drew called(: i rly wasn't expecting him to cos he's been busy the whole weekend, except friday when he called multiple times but i was ridiculously occupied so we dnt have a chance to talk all week/weekend. but yeah, i juss got off the fone w/ him, LOL(((: aaaahhh, idk what to say when it comes to him. . . i just feel . . . adored<3. i've never felt that way in my life, just completely adored by someone. we're alike in many ways, which is why we get along so well. &on top of that, i love his versatile personality. he's the kind of guy who's secure with his "manly" side, but also he'll be singing along to taylor swift songs w/ me when i bust out lyrics from it, ahhahaha. and everything else in between, i just rly like about him. &well, lets juss say. . . he's the kind of guy i hope to impress w/ my AWESOMEEEE breakfast making skilllsssss haha. hope to see him today, if all goes well.

by far, this week has been OUTRAGEOUSLY GOOOOOD. &oh, HAPPY BDAY TO ATEH MIKKA & JOHN FERNADEZ TODAY((((:
this was a very random post, but til next time! toooodlesssss(:

To my jerk, LOL

Even though we've sorta lost touch for a while, i know we'll continue where we left off.
I miss you, i really really do. Our lives have been hectic these past few days, so its impossible sometimes to talk.
I miss singing for you, you freestylin for me. I miss your voice, how cute your voicemail is. You sending me pictures thru txts, HAHA conceited;D Ahhhh, there's so much more, but i just miss you. . a whole lot.

Hope you're doing well though, yknw who go to if you need some ass whooopin lmfao.
imy hunnay.

XO, Christia

i need

girl friends.
but when i think about it, girls annoy the fck outta me, so nvm.
LOL chillin w/ my guys are more fun anyway. ha!

so. . . this week was great! except the first day of school & how i was feelin that day. EW. why the fck was i even thinking that way, i DON'T love him, i'm EXTREMELY over that shit, and he can live the "life" he wants cos i seriously DGAF and his plans w/ her sound extremely ridiculous! he's a douchebag, a CHEATER(not only to me), a spoiled & unappreciative mf, & she's a PYSCHO stalker, what a perfect match! ahahahahah. I DON'T NEED THAT WHATSOEVER & i could do a million times better(:

hmmm. . & every day he's jussss been making me feel better and better about myself(: if only he wasn't a ________ . . . everything would be PERFECT. even bff said so! i'm not the kinna person to judge someone cos of their past, cos i knw everyone could change for the better if they set their mind to it, and i'm still sitting here thinking about what if we were together, would i be the girl to change his life? honestly, i wanna be that girl for him someday, and if not, for someone else worthy. yknw. . that positive energy in his life cos he's been through so much. . . to be able to take care of him the right way, to treat him with respect, with unconditional love, for him to be able to trust me and knw that i'll always be here, to be able to see him through his best and through his worst even in his vulnerable state, not cos i wanna see him unhappy, but cos i wanna be able to make him feel thought of, cared for, adored. i just love the fact that when i talk to him, it feel so natural. he's proven to me he could be trusted and of reliance. and others out there are such opposites. he's an amazing guy, i don't know if i'm ready to be involved, to be official, but when it happens, thats the kind of girl i'd be to a guy like him, cos he DESERVES it. & yes i'm talking about you, DREW(;

DREW. . .

thank you love, for understanding me, being there for me, letting me vent out to you. i rly needed that tonight, and thank you for everything. . . just when I thought I've given up on you, you do something like this . . .<3
You're amazing, there. . . I said it(: Hahahaha. I'm looking forward to this weekend with you(;

YKNW WHAT . . . its not even worth it talking about you, or her cos i'm not trying to waste my time talking about something insignificant. I juss wanna explain the fact that I was having one of those "off" days yesterday, and the blog that i juss deleted was only meant for MY eyes, but unfortunately I didn't delete it in time cos she had to fckn stalk me and read my shit. I'm completely okay now, I don't knw why I felt that way yesterday, I've moved on and been over that for so long now. So if YOU'RE still reading this, i would appreciate it if you STOP. I don't know you. I don't wanna know you. And I'm for sure that you DON'T want to know me, and what I'm capable of doing. I'm saying it nicely, PLEASE STOP LURKIN THRU MY SHIT! I need my space, and I have every reason for expressing my feelings on here, but I don't appreciate someone looking thru my posts every second of the day just because they're insecure. I'VE ENDED ALL CONTACT/COMMUNICATION with him just to ease your insecurity. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE, and stop trying to find out about me, what I'm doing everyday, etc. YOU'RE JUST WASTING YOUR DAMN TIME. So STOP, I don't ever want to hear of you lurkin thru my shit ever again, I'M DEAD FCKN SERIOUS. I'm not trynna disrespect you at all, cos I don't know you, so do me a favor and STOP STALKING ME.

LAST FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL. . .
was NOT a very good day. i needa get my sched changed ASAP.
although thanks to erik for the in n out, kevin for the chipotles & golden spoon after school. wow i feel like a fatASSSSSS. omfg. but it made my day a bit better :)


I PRESENT YOU ALL . . . my future hubby GABE<3

*this one's for drew, cos he's always making me sing it over and over again. hahahaha<3

You the fuhckinn' besttttt<3

MY CURRENT ADDICTION:

GABE BONDOC, lol. aaaaaahmaaaaazinggggg.

You used to be.

The one I'd call every night to talk to about nothing and everything.
The one I'd go to whenever I'm in need of advice.
The one person in my life who would never let me down.
The one who understood, above all others, the biggest and tiniest problems of my life.
The one I defended from others that talked down about you, mistreated you, &stabbed you in the back.
The one my parents saw on a regular basis and treated like family.
The one I'd spend every weekend with just going shopping, eating, talking, and we'd have a blast doing it.
The one I'd write notes to, to vent out whatever I'm feeling on a piece of paper, then in the end decorate it to make it look pretty, aside from all the random bs I was talking about on the note, lol.
The one to call me whenever something totally random happens, hang up, and go about the rest of your day.
The one who was my ride or die, who stuck with me thru all the bs that occurred, and never gave up on our friendship.
The one who I used to call my best friend.

But what happened to us? =/
I miss us. I miss having a best friend who chose me above the rest, but of course when you're in a relationship with somebody, that friendship tends to fade away, and the love of your life is superior to your best friend. I feared that this would happen to us, but every day I think about it, I feel too awkward to try and restore our friendship to how it used to be. It came from knowing each other so well to missing out on each other's lives and not knowing how the other person's doing. I believe we're different people now, and we're drifting more and more apart. It saddens me to say that, but we both know its the truth. All I have to say thank you, for being my best friend at one point in your life, for making me feel important, wanted, cared about. Of course I'd love to have you back in my life as my best friend, but we've grown apart, and have our own lives to live now.

I think too much.

I don't know how to start this blog. So bare with me here. . . We met in the most unusual way ever. Although, I'd say it's rather cute how we met, haha. Kevin & John didn't feel like riding the wet ride with me, so I went alone. . LMFAO I know right, poor me w/ my two bestfriends being pussy to ride the wet ride while I was so down for it, haha. Anyway, I was walking toward the line, when all of a sudden you asked, "Excuse me, are you riding alone?" I then answered, "Yeah, my guy friends are lame and they won't ride w/ me." Being so sweet of you, you asked me if I wanted to ride with you and your group. I answered YES even though I didn't know you, cos I just didn't wanna be a loner in that ride by myself with no one to enjoy it with. LOL. But anyway, it was ironic to me how we both lived in Las Vegas, and we live about 15 mins from each other. You asked for my number saying we should meet up again in Vegas sometime, so I gave it to you. I didn't think you'd actually keep in contact w/ me cos you were w/ your friends as I was with mine, on top of that, I didn't even catch your name, hahahah. About 20 seconds later, I get a text saying "It was nice talking to you, Christia. Why do you have to leave so early though? :(" LOL I had to leave early cos I wasn't supposed to be there in the FIRST place, lmfao. Anyway, we texted that whole night, that whole morning, and the rest of the days that came. It led from text, to finally talking on the phone every night. You'd always call me after I got out of work, but sometimes I'd let you call, ignore it, let you call again, ignore it, til you leave a voicemail saying you'll call back . . . Just to test the waters and see if you'd still be interested in me even if I didn't answer, haha ;D.

We'd never run out of things to say in our late night convos. One minute we're talking about our past, next minute we're talking about music, next we're talking about evolution and how we both think that 2012 is juss bs LOL, then next we're talking about how we're such fatasses and how much we love all kinds of food. Haha, it's amazing. Our first night talking is a night I'll always remember. You opened up to me so much, not even knowing me at all yet, but you told me about the most intimate parts of your life, like your family, your past, your hopes and dreams, I was just amazed by it all. I love how I'm so myself around you. I don't have to try and impress you, and you like me for me. I can be real around you, NO FAKE BULLSHIT, and you love that. I never thought I'd fall for you, but everyday you tend to break this wall down that I've put up, and I let myself fall deeper into you. You make me happy, but it scares me to be treated so good, cos I'm not the kinna girl who gets this treatment from guys. You told me you'd go out of your way for me, just to see me, just to be with me, and that FUCKING SCARES ME. That is why I don't think it'll ever happen between us. You're just too amazing, too nice, too considerate. But someone else better deserves this. I'm just not the kind of girl who's used to it. That is why I don't think it'll work. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'd love to be with a guy like you, but after all the heartbreak I've put up with, I'm scared to be with someone who treats me so good & makes me feel good about myself, cos I feel like its too good to be true.

Or maybe I'm juss thinking too much. =/

its today! its today! ITS TODAAYYYAYYYAYYYAYYYYYYYYY<3
omfggg, so excited<3333333333

pics will be up soooon.

Everytime I close my eyes.

aj rafael @ 3:34, aaaaah so adorable.

Go on.

I believe it's come to the point where I'm tired of waiting on you. I gave it time, but no honey, I'm finished. Coming into this, I should've known not to be attached, cos the only person that'll get hurt was me. Others warned me that you were the "free love" type, to be careful around you, but I didn't listen and I let myself fall this deep. So without you knowing, I'm letting you go. That way I don't have to exert any more effort to let you know cos I'm more than exhausted in trying when nothing progresses.

Quoting a friend of mine, "Christia's heart seems to be an easy one to get into." Yeaaaaah she's right. I'm just too stubborn when it comes to love, and I put my guard down to guys too easily when I should give them something to work for. I don't listen to what anyone advises me, cos I feel like I know more than them. When really, I'm the one who needs the biggest lesson, cos the test is something I tend to fail at.

I realize that you are still a little boy with a LOT of growing up to do.

Despite alllllllll the negative that has happened, the future is looking brighter than ever :)
Have the most amazing guys as my best friends I can rely on 24/7. Even though they're crazy as helll, ha i love my BFF & bests!
Every day, the fam & I are gettin closer & closer, we've had our share of ups&downs these past few days, but things are goin great now. Keeping my life busy, it's goood to be productive! But w/ working hard, one's gotta reward themselves once inna while righttt? So thasss why I'm so excited next week to spend time w/ bests and roadtrip! Knotts berry farm, huntington, & shopppping WHOOOOOOOOOO :)!
& last but not least, it's always greeaaaat to have that *friend* lmfao. Mmmmm he knows who he is<3 Half boys are pretty fckn sexy eh? hahaha.

Welllll i'm off to work! Mommy's sleeepin right behind me, ha. Update you later, byeeee ;D

To Mikka & Louie

mikka & louie, i LOVE you both so much, you've protected me through everything & even if my parents are blaming this shit on you, know that i am forever grateful for you both. if it wasn't for you, i'd be seriously injured or dead by now. you ARE my family & even if i don't see you guys for a longgg time, nothing will change that. i love you, don't be sorry pls, we're all okay now & thass all that matters.

& it just dawned on me, imagine if everyone from the kickback stayed a few minutes longer, god knows what could've happened to ANY one of us. wowwwwww, god is VERY good indeed :)

Life gave me a second chance.

Waking up this morning was unsettling after all the events that happened a couple hours back. Although I gladly say, I'm so thankful to be alive. This experience is by far the most scariest thing I have ever encountered. I never thought I would see the day again. I never thought I would be able to hug my parents and tell them how much I love them. I never thought I would be at home typing this right now to share this story. I never thought I'd hear any of my friend's comforting voices again to tell me everything's going to be okay. But most of all, I never thought I'd be alive.

Last night I was over at my cousin's condo for a farewell kickback for his boyfriend. About fifteen of us were in there chillin, having a couple of drinks, talking, etc. As the night progressed it reached 10:30-10:45ish and my cousin had curfew, so some of us walked her home to her condo since it was in the same community. While walking back, my cousin, her best friend, and I saw this mexican gang trying to call us over to join them. We're thinking, 'oh god, these lame asses have no life,' so we snobbishly ignored them. It was about 1:30am when people started leaving the kickback, and since I was pretty gone that night I was advised to sleep over cos I couldn't drive my car to my other cousin's place to sleep over cos I drank and was already a bit intoxicated, lol.

I remember the exact time this happened because I was making a phone call to my friend before I went to bed, it was 1:44 am. She didn't answer, so I thought of just going to sleep. Literally TEN SECONDS later, I heard two gunshots and I felt glass hitting my face so I screamed cos I thought I was hit. Fortunately, it was just glass and no bullets hit anyone. My cousin whispered to me to stop screaming and to crawl as fast as I can to the bathroom so I wouldn't be seen. One by one we were all in the bathroom hiding from whoever shot at us. We immediately called 911, keeping our voices lowered so no one would hear us. We told the dispatcher everything so she sent the police for us. I was in such fear that my whole body was shaking uncontrollably, but at the same time I was getting so frustrated because the police were taking such a long time to get here. We were hiding in the bathroom for about 20-30 minutes, but it felt like HOURS in there. While we were hiding we heard leaves and bushes moving so we thought they're near the house. We were so paranoid of the noises of crackling since we thought they were trying to break in through the broken glass window and get in the house. A few minutes later the dispatcher told us the police are outside of the front door, but scared as we were we didn't want to take the risk of getting out of the bathroom. Although we heard "911's here!" so we thought, okay we need to get out of here and let them in. Thank goodness it was them, I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE HAPPY TO SEE POLICE IN MY LIFE! I walked out of the bathroom and got my cellphone that was on the bed and I looked up to see where the gunshots were, and it was right on top of the bed I was sleeping on, just a couple of feet down and I would've gotten shot at. I told this to the police and they investigated it, they said it wasn't just a bullet, it was a whole bunch of pellets that had gotten fired! I felt the bits of glass on my feet so I got my shoes and put em on. My purse was near the lamp and glass went inside! I was borrowing Andrew's camera for the day so I looked for it, and thank goodness it still worked! Anyway, the police said that the people who did this was a mexican gang because all the neighbors saw them too and complained to the police that they were making trouble in the neighborhood. It makes me so mad because they're so heartless doing this for no specific reason, and now my cousin's condo is a hot mess and so many damages are there, his boyfriend that just flew in from san francisco visited him but now he must not want to come back since this shit happened, and this experience is making me paranoid, traumatized, and scared shitless.

After all this I called Kevin, Andrew, and my mom. I was scared to call my mom cos I didn't wanna wake her in the middle of the night since it was about 2:30-3:00 am already and if I told her she'd be so worried that she might get a heart attack or something, but I didn't wanna wait cos I know she needed to know. Although to my mistake, she was PISSSED OFFFFF and she was yelling and screaming through the fone. I tried being calm and tell her I'm okay, but all she could do is blame my cousins for letting this happen to me. I told her it wasn't any of their faults cos we didn't know this would've happened, but she got pissed because I wasn't spending the night at my other cousin's house where her parents were there, instead I slept at my cousin's who lived alone. So now I just feel really bad because my parents don't trust me being with them anymore =/ Although I know things will patch up later on and I'm just extremely glad to be alive right now. I really don't know what's going to happen now. FOR SURE my parents won't let me go out in a long time, and its too bad because kevin, john, and I planned a roadtrip next monday, so maybe this is giving us a sign that we REALLY shouldn't do the roadtrip anymore. I know that I don't want to go anymore either since I'm paranoid now and message to Andrew, YOU'RE RIGHT.

Through this traumatic experience I did learn a couple things; that life really is too short so I shouldn't take things for granted, and I shouldn't waste my time doing things that won't be successful for me in the future. Everything happens for a reason, it REALLY sucks that it had to take THIS to help me realize what I should be doing in my life, and not wasting my life on things that would get me in any kind of danger. Whoever is reading this, I just want you to know to appreciate the things in your life, the people in your life, and to stay true to the things you want to do to become successful, whatever that may be. Life lesson LEARNED, but I really am just so thankful and grateful for being here today.

School is less than a month away and I'm DREADING IT, but then again I'm excited since its senior year! I think I'm gonna drop out of Chemistry 2 AP again, I just don't think I'll be able to handle it since Chemistry is my worst subject. I know Andrew is already disappointed in me since this is the SECOND time i've dropped out of that class. LOL, sorry bff! I believe that's the only thing keeping me from being excited in going back to school. Other than that, I'm pretty much okay with going back. AND FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'm not returning to school with any drama surrounding me. Haha. Although I rly can care less, cos 75% of the people in my school are lame anyway, and every other school in Vegas dislikes my school. So no one's worth the bs. This summer has been amazing though! Only one thing missing. . but I refuse to say what via blog. LMAO. The next couple of weeks will be EPIC! ROADTRIP w/ the bests to cali, the beach, SHOPPPPPINGGGG SPREEEE what what!? our stay @ the M resort, and hopefully spending more weekends w/ the entourage goin clubbbbin fshoooo. & last, but definitely not the least my BMW! I've beeen savin' up all summer for it, and in a week it'll be MINE<3 I CANNOT WAIT!

STALKER.

wtfck i have one now? LMFAO. honey, lurkin thru my shit won't do you any good. did you knw jealousy is a turn off? hahaha. mmmmhm.

Wowwwww, amazing cover :) & this song explains it all.

INSOMNIA!

INSOMNIA. A rather interesting phone call also contributed tonight for my lack of sleep once again. Don't rly knw what to say bout that =/
Well since I can't sleep, surveys are my guilty pleasure LOL.


Would you introduce the last person you kissed to your parents?
Maaaaybe ;)

Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends?
I consider him and I. . . "special" buddies. Well for now that is. haha

Do you like to make the first move?
Sometimes ;)

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
This question is very ironic.

What's something you really want right now?
Ah, idk.

Looking back in time did you ever waste your time on a certain boy or girl?
Mmm, guilty.

If the last person you kissed tried to kiss you again, would you kiss back?
Aha, suuuure ;)

Has anyone ever sang to you?
Yesssss<3

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other?
Most my bestfriends are guys anyway so yesss of course!

Could you ever see yourself with your ex back together?
I could, but i prefer not to.

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
Mmmmhmm.

Do you say sorry first?
When its necessary.

If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad?
Uhmmm, haha i don't rly know. Probably not.

Is it usually easy for someone to make you smile?
Yessss doesn't take much to do that !

Who's in your profile picture with you?
Jussssss meeeee beyotchh lmao.

How many days until your next birthday?
Less than 6 mos.

Are you tired?
Exhausted, but once again, insomnia kickin in.

Has a guy sat on your bed before?
Aha 24 hrs ago.

What time did you go to sleep last night?
LOL when kenji left, rounddddd 6-7ish.

Have you ever cried from being so mad?
Mhm

What color is your shirt?
White w/ brown, blue, red

Would you rather have long or short hair?
LONGGG! I miss my long hair =///

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend?
Fsho

Do you hate being alone?
I like my freedom gotta admit.

Would you have sex with the person you stole this from?
Ahahaa nooooo sry.

What's your favorite season of the year?
Fall, idk there's juss something bout the weather being slightly cold, leaves fallin on the ground, the atmosphere feels a bit peaceful, i love it =)

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
Oh yes indeed.

Are you wearing jeans right now?
Naaah, who wears jeans to bed ?

Are any of your friends virgins?
Hahahahahah, well they're misssinnn out LMFAO.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
ON.

Who was the last person to call you babe?
Edgar LOL

Day been rough?
It's been all sorts of things.

Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
I hope not . But then again idc ahaha.

Who knows a secret about you that no one else knows?
The bestssss.

When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
Yesterday morning ;)

What are your plans for tomorrow?
Well today actually since its 5 am, mmmmm lunch w/ mom&dad, mall w/ kebbs, movies w/ kenji, prolly end up @ mikka or louie's pad tonight.

What exactly are you wearing?
hmmmm wouldn't you like to kno ? hehehe.

Are you taller than 5’5”?
Mmm noooo =/ ahaha i'm funnn sized.

Ever thought of having plastic surgery?
LOL guilty.

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?
To my own place w/ andrew as my roomate !

Would you go out in public right this moment?
Mmm yeaaah, but is any place open at 5 am?! LOL

Is your birthday soon?
Naahh

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance?
To slap the sense into him, ITS NOT THE END OF THE FCKN WORLD.

What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
Watching Van Wilder:College! LMFAO i looove it.

Amaaaaaazinnnng morning!

Oh yessssss it was ;)

You really have a way with words, and I mean realllyyyyyy. Oh my goodness, I've never met anyone like you. You're so much fun to talk to, hopefully fun to be around as well, but we'll see bout that tonight ;) Mmmmmmm<3

LG. Life's Goood.

Wowwwwwwwww, I feel like I haven't blogged in decades. Everything's been really fast paced, hectic, and busy for me this week. Although it was my bestfriend Chanel's birthday on July 6, and the CRAC+R bam reunited juss two days ago and had an AMAZING day! It went better than I expected, i love those girls so much and I'm just so happy with my sisterhood kinship with them. Being with them made me realize how mature we've grown these past 2-3 years. We put past problems aside and started over a new leaf, it just feels like nothing ever happened and we picked up where we left of. I jussss wanna tell you girls I love you so much. My bestfriend Chanel who never gave up on me, April, Renalynn, and even Rachel. . you're all like sisters to me and I'm blessed to have you all in my life.

Today was amazing. I went with my mom to her co-worker's party and talked with her close co-worker who's pretty much like my advisor now, our talk was simply amazing. I don't wanna get into too much detail with it cos then this post will probably be wayyyy too long, but all I have to say was that I've never felt so empowered in my life. She made me realize so many things in life, she opened my eyes to a whole new perspective of the world, she assisted me in getting back on track with achieving my life-long goals. Let's just say she gave me the right "push" to succeed, and one day I know i will. What touched my heart was her comment to my mom saying how proud my parents should be of me, how they should listen to me more often, and how she hopes one day she'll have a daughter with the same mindset and heart as I do. I've never heard those words before from any other adult, so it literally almost made me cry when she said that. With that comment, my mom and I talked throughout the whole car ride back home and we talked about all my goals and plans for my future. She was so impressed because she didn't know I was really thinking that much ahead. & I know she was happy to hear the statement I said that in the future I hope to get an excellent and rewarding job in the medical field and hope to one day have them retire and for me to be financially secure to support them and give them the best of everything and that one day be able pay them back for everything they've done for me. My mom was incredibly happy to hear that and it just made me feel so good that she knows that I do not take my parents for granted and that I really do appreciate everything they've done for me.

Everything that's happened this week just feels so fitting. I can probably say that this has been the best week of my summer so far. I'm finally on back on track now, whatever happened in the past is where it belongs, I am now "soaring to new heights with a clear vision of the future". HAHAHAHA i totally jocked that saying from my school motto. hahahaha. S'all gooooood :)))

"To live with the knowledge given by the people who have went through what I want to go through is the path to success. Though there will be hardships, nothing will stop me from becoming what i can to the fullest."
-Wayne Santos

I hate my hair. I miss my long, straight, smooth hair. Thanks to working and having to put up my hair at both jobs, my hair is now fuuuuuucked up, wavy, and the "shine" just isn't there anymore. On top of that, it's not growing fast enough! Grow alreadyyyyy haaiiirrr! I tend to make stupid decisions when I'm bored, LMAO especially chopping my hair off that one day. Oh joy.

Today was my meeting @ popeyes/stand by test @ the DMV/work @ quiznos/supposedly party @ ryokos.
. . . Popeyes meeting lasted an hour & almost and wasn't that bad. Andrew keeps complaining saying he's so not used to me being in a higher position than him, that fcker. Haha. & my manager announced that I sold the MOST apple pies in one day! SEVENTEEN apple pies! Hahahaha, that's pretty sad to be proud of, but fck it! My job @ popeyes is fun and I love my coworkers, especially now Andrew's working w/ me! It rly is weird to have him below me though, I'm so used to being taught the right ways of life by him, haha but now I'm the one teaching him how to work.
. . . DMV. I HATE GOING TO THAT STINKING PLACE! I failed my road test the first time; my permit expired so I had to renew it and do the written test again; tried going on stand by to take my road test a month later that, but my parents got impatient and so we left even though I was so close to being called; so i scheduled my next road test for July 10th but I was scared of failing again so I went to the DMV today to try and take the test, but once again, they take foreverrrrr and there were seven names ahead of me and it was already 1pm and I had work @ 4pm so we had to go home cos we wouldn't have made it. UGHHHHH getting my license is a total pain in the ass. I feel like I'm never gonna get it no matter how hard I try, no matter how much my mom makes me go to CHURCH W/ HER EVERY WEDNESDAY AND PRAY TO GET MY LICENSE haaah like that's gonna work, I FEEL LIKE I'M NEVER GONNA GET THAT DAMN THING. I'm a good driver anyway, why do I have to wait so damn long to get it? THE DMV IS MY LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO GO next to the dentist haha.
. . . Work @ quiznos was actually not that bad today. It got pretty busy so it made my shift feel faster. I HATE WORKING WHEN IT'S SLOW. Yeah its easy, but the day feels so much longer. Working there gets kind of annoying cos I feel so new to it even though everyone there is new since the place only opened two weeks ago, but I feel like everyone knows more than me and I don't like having that feeling of being the "rookie". My coworker named Shawvez is pretttttyyyyy fine though, haha, but BOOOOO he has a gf =/ I hate it when all the fine guys are taken! Oh well, life goes on haha. I MADE $3 in tips today! Hahahahaha, you're prolly thinking WTF? Only $3? Well money's money. . so you gotta be happy w/ what you make. LOL
. . . Party @ Ryoko's place. Cancelled. Moved to tomorrow, problem is idk if i can go since I got fambam in town. I wish I was closer to my cousins who are arriving cos everytime they're here it seems like they dread the place and always look so bored. I hate that. They barely even start a conversation or ask me how I am. Whatever though, I'll try to get out of it & go to Ryoko's.

Aahhhhhh, I hope I at least have some fun this weekend!

Jusss 'cos

I can't stay mad at you. You somehow keep me up even if you were the one I was mopin' about in the first place. But what's bothering me you ask? The fact that after all this time, you have no clue that you're the one i have my eyes on. I'm starting to care for you more and more each day. I'm starting to fall for you and that scares me 'cos I'm scared to get hurt again. & out of all the people I know, you're the one who's endured so much in their past being cheated on & lied to by the girl you've loved for almost 5 years. & if what you said was true about you being faithful the whole time, then wow, it's very rare to find guys like you nowadays and that's something that shouldn't be taken for granted. IF only you knew though. As for now, being friends with you is something I'm thankful for and I'm grateful I met a wonderful guy like you. You have a big heart & one day I hope you realize that there's a special place in there for me<3.


Haaaaa, corny I know! ;p
But honestly, you're racin' through my mind like 100 mph and I can't help but to tell the world bout a wonderful guy like you :)

Repeat?

This ALWAYS happens to me. I just don't get it.
I admit, my friends are gorgeous & i love them to death. But once I start falling for a guy, guess who they end up having a thing for. . . EXACTLY.

W/e though. I'm just tired of everything.

.

ugggghhhhh i just feeel like crying it all out & releasing this inner frustration!
this is the worst feeeling ever. oh goooodness i despise you. i loathe people like you.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

NOW I KNOW THE TRUTH. YOU BIG LYING, DECEIVING, CHEATING, PERVERTED MOTHERFUCKER.

I always had a gut feeeling of why that happened. NOW I KNOW WHY. You tried making me feel guilty for hurting your feelings? You made me feel like you getting with her was my KARMA? FUCK YOU. I always suspected you cheated, but now i know the TRUTH. I FEEL SORRY FOR EVERY GIRL THAT FALLS FOR YOUR SHIT. No girl deserves to be with someone like you cos all you'll do is hurt them in the end. & JUST TO PUT IT OUT THERE, STOP CALLING ME TO TRY AND GET WITH ME MOTHERFUCKER! I DON'T WANT YOUR ASS AND I NEVER WILL. I admit, it was my mistake for taking you back after the first time you cheated. But I was right all along to break up with you. I just regret having the guilt trip to think that I hurt you, but now i know the truth once and for all. PEACE BITCH! Karma's a real fcknnnn BITCH! I hope you get what you deserve.

You have to take what life gives you.

& stop complaining, stop bitching, and just work. Work your ass off. Even if it takes longer than you expected, work for it. Cos in the end, it'll be all worth it right? Hmmmmmm. . . I hope so.

Its a tradition

For me to watch asian dramas/movies every summer, spring break, and winter break.
Just finished this one, its such a beautiful story!!!!!

"A Millionaire's First Love"



Recommend this one if you're into these kinna things, haha. I absolutely love 'emmmm.

Getting ahead of myself.

Sometimes we all need to stop thinking. STOP WORRYING. Quit wondering about what would've happened, what could happen, what the next step is, and all that nonsense our mind keeps on addressing. THAT IS MY BIGGEST PROBLEM. I can't just go with the flow, I have to picture a situation exactly how I want it, but 99.9% of the time I end up getting disappointed. This happens to me EVERY TIME, but I still cannot manage to learn from it. It does me no good, but I wonder why I still do it? I think its because I expect too much from people. Not a single person has ever FULLY satisfied me and that accounts for friendships and relationships. Hence the word FULLY, I'm not saying I've not once been happy with the friends I have and the relationships I take on, but I have never been FULLY content with having both at the same time. When I'm single, my friends become the most important people in my life. When in a relationship, that person becomes the person above all else. Family is a different story because they're constantly amazing, and I'm lucky to have such loved ones in my life. Although, why is it that BOTH parties can never balance each other out. I'm afraid to be in a relationship because I don't wanna lose and drift away from my best friends. But then again, being single has its downfalls as well and I miss having someone special. Ugh, its all such a blur to me. The solution is SO simple, but for some reason. . . I'm still dissatisfied in the end. I'm such a complicated person. Oh goodness, I am worrying too much again. I AM SO BIPOLAR.

To: Anonymous

I told myself I wouldn't get involved with you cos you seem like the heartbreaker, player, swinger, whatever. You know what I mean. I'm not into guys like you cos I'm too afraid to risk my feelings and lay my cards out on the table and be taken advantage of. The thing is when I'm with you, I feel safe, secure, and wanted. You were there to comfort me when he looked the other way. You vented out to me about your past and all I wanted to do was hug you real tight and hold you. I could tell you still feel hurt about your past, and that's okay cos I know exactly how you feel. Although we can both put our past behind us and move forward. You've been there when I felt like shit and you listen with an open heart. With you, I can see myself. Thinking about you makes me happy. I'm glad we didn't do anything we'd regret, cos truthfully I'm starting to develop feelings for you and I don't want you to seem like just another guy. You're more than that to me. I picked the wrong guy to pursue when it was between you two, and I'm sorry if I had my pre-assumptions about you and thought you were someone you're actually not. You make me happy :) You give me hope to believe in something I thought I'd never have again. :)

LMAO.

"It's too big, it's too wide

It's too strong, it won't fit

It's too much, it's too tough"


LMAO. Fckn Beyonce talkin about her ego. When I first heard this song in Kev's car I was so shocked. Hahahaha. "IS THAT A PENIS?" referring to _ _ _ _'s picture, wowwwwwwww. LOL. Bestfriend, you're fckn hilarious haha.


Anyway, a lovely gentleman owes me a movie date and a pool lesson:) I'm excited. You give me a "corn on the cob" smile when I talk to you. I don't know, I just have this gut feeling you'll end up being a good thing. Prove me wrong about all other guys out there.

A Prayer.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I first want to thank you for everything in my life. My family, friends, health, and well-being. Without you, I don't know which direction my life would be in right now. Please guide me with the decisions I make and please Lord, let me learn from the past mistakes I've made and account that to improve myself. With that being said, all I ask now is for your helping hand to assist me in making my next move. I've encountered the most difficult period of my life these past few months and this is an experience I hope to never go through again, not under any condition. I accept the fact that my mistakes led me to this point in time, although I am willing to learn from them and use them for the sake of my own. It is just extremely difficult to be content when I, myself, know I am deeply hurt and heartbroken. This pain I can no longer handle, so I ask in your Holy name to please guide me to be strong and to withstand any other heartbreak I may encounter. Please God, I hope you will give me the gift of strength and courage to overcome through anything that come my direction. That is all I ask Lord. May you shower me with your blessings every second of my life. And lastly, may you guide me with your Holy Spirit to direct me to the right path of love, joy, and happiness. I love you God, and thank you once again.

Twentieth post!

"In order to get the best, you must go through the worse."

I wanna have time to

read a good book, or a couple books this summer. The thought just sounds so relaxing.

& This would probably be so opposite from reading, but I want me a summerboy, or maybe not just for the summer, LOL :) I've decided I'm ready for a boyfriend. I'm done with all the underprivileged guys that come my way. I want someone to prove me wrong. I want that gentleman w/ a bit of edge :))) I want someone that could tolerate me and love me for ME. I just want that reaaaal thaaangg.




As for YOU.
I'm not willing to sell myself short anymore. It's not worth it. I'm so much better that that, and I really don't know why i even agreed to it. I take it back. In the end we both know it'll make things worse for me, and you're just in it for the ride. You have someone else, don't make me feel like the other girl. I don't know why I keep wanting you when all I am to you is a girl from the past who you replaced. I wish you could just disappear from my life cos I just keep getting hurt. But I know better now and I'm doing this to save myself from the pain you'll put me through again. I hate the fact that my feelings keep coming back every time I see you. So the solution is, I won't see you anymore, ever. You're the past, and that's where you belong. Just like how you replaced me, I'm willing to replacing you. Goodbye for the last time, and this time, I mean I'm not coming back.

Finals

are amazingly easy this year. I'm confident to do great on em all (knock on wood). Time for the Kardashians yaaayyy! Will update later :)

& oh, i'm obsessed with this picture (kudos to andrew), hmmmmm kill me now, aaahhhh<3.

Saving up.

Is extremely hard when you have friends who wanna go out every weekend who make 3x more money that you.

I've been having a sushi addiction for some time now. I hate the fact that its so expensive for so little, but oh soooooo delicious!


SATS in a week. Summer in 5 days! _ _ _ in 2 days! LMAO. Work in 3 hours.

Dammit, I really need my own vehicle.

June, July, August. . .

Spent two hours trying to find a car, but since my dumbass is so clueless about automobiles, ANDREW CAME TO THE RESCUEEEE! Ahhh, failed this time =/. Found a couple nice ones, but most that are so tore up and ghetto LMAO. Hopefully tomorrow brings me luck =)!

Quiznos said I was #2 on their "to hire" list. #1 was bilingual and can speak fluent spanish & english. Sooooo that means I have a good shot at gettin this job, but idk if its really what I want. Loooking still, but its so hard to find one when I'm not licensed yet =/. I'll get it though, promise XD hehe.

Summer to do list:
1)LICENSEEEEEEE! PRIORITY! PRIORITY! PRIORITY!
2)GET FIT. Work out w/ Andrew and Keb to keep my ass motivated, haha. & to feel better about myself & be more confident :)))
3)Find a flexible job. Preferably @ a good, busy restaurant so i can make thoseeee tipssss yafeeelmeee? :)))
4)Re-study Chemistry since i'm taking Chem II AP!
5)Apply to colleges&universities & do community service at least once a week.
6)Catch up w/ family in the PI, missssinnn them =///! Since i was supposed to be there this summer.
7)Learn how to do hair&makeup. I'm such a girl, but suck at that ahaha. GROW MY HAIR OUT! I misss the long 'do!
9)Spend as much time with family since I'll be off to college next year!
10)Stop concentrating on worthless guys and improve myself for the sake of ME.

Sighhhhh, so much to do, so little time. I can do it though, no doubt :)))

Sisters<3

We don't have to share the same blood to be called sisters. We met 11 years ago when i was 6 and you were 10. Our parents are best friends and after knowing you for so long, I already consider you as my blood sister<3. Even with your busy lifestyle you always make time to listen to my silly problems and put up with me. That's what I love about you, you're such a real person and you're always gonna be there for me whenever, no matter what the situation is, i'll call you at 3 am and you'll still give the best advice ever! Now I'm 17 and you're 21 and you still treat me the same way you did 11 years ago. I'm glad to have you in my life cos I wouldn't know what I'd do when I have one of my off days and you wouldn't be there to knock my sense back to reality. LOL ily :)

Slowly

. . . we became close. This past year we've had the pleasure of knowing each other on a more profound level. We have some of the most amazing conversations about our lives, our future, about finding our true loves while in college (LOL), and countless others which i only have with you. You've became one of my good friends. Someone i don't hesitate to tell how i feel at that exact moment because I know no matter how stupid I may sound, you'll always tell me how it is. At times you may act really straight-forward, but I realize thats only because you care about me, and wouldn't want me to end up hurt or with someone below my standards. You're the definition of a great friend. I'm glad we're learning more and more about each other as time passes by. I'm proud of your accomplishments and you inspire me to be the best I can be. You give the most amazing advice that only a psychologist could give, hahahaha. Its astonishing to know that you're so funny, yet extremely intelligent as well. I'm so excited for our future. We're gonna be so successful in life and find our most compatible and perfect love matches that we always talk about :)


Hmmmm. .
I've decided to let you go. I don't think you'll do me any good, I just have this gut feeeling If i continue with you, I'm just on my way to a spiral of failure. So no, I'm thinking wisely here.

So in Psychology we learned about masks, and how everyone puts on a mask when they're around others to hide who they truly are and to blend in with the environment of others. I realized I'm still wearing that mask, and can't seem to shed it off. It's my only armor to conceal how i truly feel. I'm scared to show my weakness around people, but I know that I must be strong for my own satisfaction and to prove to myself I'm willing to let go of the past and move on. Ugh, I just can't seem to let it go after so many months. I think I'm bipolar LOL. But seriously, I can't wear this mask any longer. I have to fight these emotions away, cos that'll only lead me to a safer path. I'm tired of getting hurt constantly. I just need a sign to tell me where to go next.

BITCH.

I know i can be one when i wanna be, and there's always a reason when i'm the biggest bitch you'll ever meet. It fckn makes me sooooo mad when i say what i feel about something, and in return the other person is either too scared to respond or TALK ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK. I don't think it's so hard to be a good friend to someone. I know we're not as close as we were last year, but the least you could do is know when a guy is off limits when your friend likes him. Yeah, so you say many guys were after you, so WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST BACK OFF MINE AND GO WITH ONE OF EM? Instead, you took the guy i wanted to go with. You tried telling me to go, but i didn't want to anymore since you were his date. & what makes me tick is that he and i were supposed to go in the first place, but since you're so impatient he HAD to go with you. I didn't wanna stop you from going with him cos i thought you had your own conscience and would be a good friend to me to choose to not go w/ him. But you did anyway. & I know he didn't have fun, he even told me so. I'm not making this into a boy problem between us, but reality is, you've hellaaa changed. Other people even notice it. Oh, and i know i cuss and sometimes make sexual jokes but sorry we're not all PERFECT like you who. I don't need to be like you to be a good person, i can do w/e i want and i know i'm a good person so stop trying to make everyone like YOU. I also feel bad for your best friend, I feel like she doesn't have her own voice when she's around you. I know we used to be so close last year, but i actually like her better than you after getting to know her more. Honestly, I can care less if we're not as close as we were. I really don't need someone who thinks she's so good compared to me and would make me feel like i'm so bad for doing the things i do. I'm not sorry if i'm coming out this way to you cos i rather be REAL and honest than making myself look like the victim. Thats all i have to say to you.


& as for YOU . . . I'm starting to like you again. haha. why is it that when i see you i start all over again? i have a feeelin we'll see each other more this summer. i hope we do. you're not a player as i thought you were. lol FWB? ;) ahahah.

crushingggg:)))))))))))))

wowwww! its beeeen so so SOOOOO long since i've wrote on here. my life's changed in a whole new direction. i'm learning more and more everyday & i love the new experiences i've made. i've never felt this way in so long, and i wanna keep it progressing!

PROM! the highlight of my year! after all the rough times i've encountered this year, prom made up for it<3
was a crazy, confusing, exhausting, AMAZING, wonderful night :))) my date, john, was absolutely great! thank you for everything john, i reallly appreciate it! it wasn't even OUR prom but you're a gentleman for taking me and being the most amazing & SEXXXXIESTTT date everrrrr. the only thing i'd change about it was the food @ macaroni grill, ah it was kinna gross and i SPECIFICALLY wanted chicken and that white saucee thinggg, but no =/ LMAO. so we ended up going to prom TWO hours late and only got an hour to danceee. but it was amazing nonetheless and flo was in court! she should've won! but its okay :) AFTERPARTY #1 . . . LAME LAME LAME! it wasn't even an afterparty, cos everyone was pretty much knocked out watching seven pounds. left early to go to AFTERPARTY #2 which ended up being hilarious! didn't wanna get wasted so i only took a shot, but the rest of the night BEAT everyone in speeeed! hahahah. wanted to danceee even more but i was pretty tired. hopefully he gets to be my date again for homecoming cos aaaah i'd LOVE that :))) today. . . everyone @ school saw the pics and kept complimenting HIM saying i had such a cute date & that it was an UPGRADE from my ex! helll yeeeaaaaaaaah, i dont plan on heading in that direction any longer. its done. OVER WITH. and we both seem happy from what i hear. seee? everything happens for a reason, and all i'm sayin is NEXTTTT! ahahahah :)

ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT! yesssss! i'm so so so excited to be done with junior year. i'm excited for the next year to come.

. . . work has been a whirlwind! two cute guys both named josh, hahah :)) should i go for the buff, tall, funny, football player one? or the sweet, intellectual, kind-hearted, down to go clubbin whenever/wherever one? hahahaha. . .


being single is not too shabby, not too shabby at all :))))

There comes a point in life. . .

when you know, you just KNOW that you have the best of people surrounding you. & in that point, you feel so blessed to have them in your life, and you thank the Lord every day and every night for such amazing individuals he has blessed you with. after talking to a great friend, i've realized that every little thing God does, he does it for a reason. when something negative happens in a situation, it will always be replaced with something positive in the end. thats how God works things out in the most mysterious, unexplainable, and unexpected ways possible. its so weird to think that if one move hasn't been done in the past, it would change everything. although the past is the past, it had a good run, but now i'm focusing on the present. and what's in store for me in the future. no more looking back. & i thank all the ones who've helped me in this situation. i love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu guyss sooooooo veryyyy muchhh and i don't know what i'd do without you! seriously, i haven't been feeling like myself lately but with the help of amazing people, i've gained back my old self :D and on top of that, i feel like a whole 'notha woman! haha. ah ily guyssss forever&ever&ever&ever<33333

Happy, happy :)

Yes, that's what I've been feelin lately, and i LOVE it. I LOVE my family, i LOVE my friends, i LOVE scary movie nights, i LOVE meeting new people, i LOVE new traditions, i LOVE seeing my friends happy, i LOVE reuniting with old friends, i LOVE starting over. I've never thought I'd feel so completely happy with family, friends, school, work, and aha. . . even the love life! ;)

Family.
My mom and I have gotten really close lately, even though we piss each other off every other second of the day, i really trust her, and i even feel comfortable enough to tell her parts of my life and we'd have a conversation about it. My dad's gotten much MUCH better, thank God! He's walking now, and needs limited assistance from me and my mom. I've never felt so close to my family til now, and i love them soooooo very much and i'm just so blessed to have a happy family :)

Friends.
THEY MAKE ME SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY! and i thank them so much for being here for me whenever, wherever. i'm so lucky to have such amazing, incredible, reliable, trustworthy, and not to mention BADASSS friends! I thank my bestfriend kevin the most for ALWAYS being here and for taking great care of me. even though we don't show it to each other, i love him and i'm sp grateful for everything he does! Its also such an amazing feeling reuniting with old friends, one specifically :D She knows who she is, and everyone should KNOW who she is, ahaha. Hmmmm, just the feeling of having such good friends around me make me so completely happy, and for once, NO DRAMA! hahaha, I hope it stays this way, and gets even better! AAAAHHHHHH :D

Work.
Work's actually feelin pretty lively nowadays! Not so boring anymore, and my coworkers are pretty cooool about things. I'm kind of the crazy one out of all of them, LOL but we get along great and the more i get to know them, the more i'm liking my job, aha.

Love<3.
Hmmmmmmm. What to say, what to say! HAHAHA. Well, i guess you'll just have to find out hmm? Secret<3


Ahhhhh, just everything feeels so right! I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!

The Art of Contentment

stole from dinah, who stole from kevin.
WHY HAVEN'T I READ THIS BEFORE? its amazing thoughhh :) it gave me a feeling of empowerment :D

The Art of Contentment. For most of us, being single will be more of a phase than a final destination. This is the best place to practice the art of contentment. Someday, I’m sure most of us will fall in love and get married. But the thing is, love will always be tested.

Someone more handsome, beautiful, more charming, richer, funnier, sweeter will come along. If you have not practiced the art of contentment as a single person, chances are you would be tempted to want that and not cherish your chosen one. Practicing the Art of Contentment as a single person means that you take what life gives you, good or bad.

You’re willing to see it through. It means you don’t walk away every time when things get tough, because it builds in you patience, perseverance, understanding and a hundred different virtues that people in a hurry will never have to cherish.

Being single means you would find how it feels to be alone thus, allowing you to cherish every moment you spend with your chosen one. The art of contentment means you wouldn’t mind if life had to make you wait for so long to find the love of your life, because you know that the waiting would only make the finding the love of your life much sweeter.

Being single is a time of your life when you can get to know yourself better. You can pursue different interest and passions without having to ask another person’s approval. It is a phase when you can keep focus on other things, discover your potentials and talents, and see yourself become more of the person you expect to be.

Allow yourself to surprise you. Stop wasting precious energy trying to figure out why you’re still romantically unattached. It’s all in the mind. Take the time to go see your friends, spend time with your family, do charity work and you will realize that you are not, and never for one moment, was alone.

Try to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know other people. To be truly loved, means to be known and accepted for who you are. How do you expect other people to know you and to love you, when you don’t know who and what you really are? Sometimes the dilemmas we face are not between what is absolutely bad and absolutely good. Sometimes, it’s between what is good and best.

Treat this stage of your life as a phase to evaluate who is good for you and who is best for you. Sometimes, you won’t hear music, or feel magic to know who’s best for you. The heart just knows and it doesn’t need any romantically charged scenario to decide on the matter. Trust in your heart, and trust that time will eventually lead you to, not to the perfect partner, but to the most suitable partner for you. Being single
is a phase of life that we need to be thankful for, because being single means our hearts have yet to choose the best one for us.

Take your time, the world will wait. Being married or being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee that it will make your life happy. It doesn’t guarantee anything at all. Sometimes, it only brings two miserable people together only to make their life even more miserable. Without the right intention, the emotional maturity, financial security and of course, unwavering love, you’re better off unattached.

Living Life. Don’t put your life on hold for Mr. and Mrs. Right, but don’t let it waste away with Mr.or Mrs. Wrong. Life is about things that you do and happen to you everyday. It’s not about the things that could have happened but never did, or things that you think would happen in the future. Live life now. Live it to the fullest and stop beating yourself up, trying to be perfect on a Saturday night date. Allow life to surprise you with it’s most wonderful blessings.

I'll be okay. . .

Why is it that everyday, every hour, every conscious and unconscious moment, YOU'RE still the one i think of. I'm really lost, i don't know where we got to damn lost. Why do things have to be like this. Promises broken and never kept. It still hurts me to see you like this. I know i took you for granted, but i hope you also know that i loved you UNCONDITIONALLY and i poured my heart and soul to you. I just can't stop looking back anymore, it hurts me to think about you. How can i not? But the real question is, how can YOU not. I guess i'll just never find the answer. And again, i think its better this way. . . you know, how we aren't even friends. It's hard not to think about you, but i always find myself doing so. Aaaaahhhh, breakups suck, but this one wasn't even supposed to happen ='/ And thats why its hurting me so bad. . . HMMMM. No, i need to be strong. For my own good, I refuse to think about you anymore, to think that there will be something in the future. I need to move on for myself, and my family and friends. For the people i love and care about, i have to be strong. Especially for you daddy, i wouldn't ever want you to see me in such a wreck. You need me and mommy as your support system. I know things may be extremely difficult for you, but just know that there's always hope and God will always be the one to save us from all this. I believe everything will be great, just please be strong also. I look up to you to protect me from everything, and its so hard to see you like this, weak. Don't be. Pray, pray, pray, and believe that you'll recover from this. I know we've never really been that close, but i'm realizing that every day is a gift, and i need to make every day the best it can be for you. You are my hero, so is mom. I'd do anything for you two, and if that means giving up my weekends to spend time with you both, i'd do it in a second. I love you both so much, and i'm sorry for disobeying you at times, but i'm willing to change. I'm never gonne give up cos this family will always be together. This is just one of the challenges we have to face, but if we overcome this, we can overcome anything that passes by us. I love you both and i will show it more often. Family will always come first.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

OHHHH.... and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PATRICK & TIFFANY :DDD

I will bring you your chicken & mac&cheese patrick! Just wait for it! :D

and TIFFF! i'll bring you a stone to scrub yo momma's back with! hahahahahhahaha LMFAAAOOO.

hope you both had a great bday, love you guyssss! <3

Giving up.

WOOOOOOOWWW I haven't blogged in a while! Well let's get caught up, shall we?

Lent is finally here once again! So is Springggggg, hmmm i love Spring. It just makes you wanna fall in love all over again. HA! Riiiiggghttt. I read that in A Streetcar Named Desire. That book is quite interesting, the main character Stella, kinna reminds me of myself. She's with this guy who treats her like shit, but still she's wit him cos they're craaaaaazy about each otherrrr! Then she has a sister who keeps telling her to get out of the relationship, but she refuses. Although, i don't have a sister, aha but that's not important.

Okay, about Lent. I'm giving up Popeye's Chicken. You must be wondering. . . why Popeye's Chicken? Well i started working at Popeye's again just recently, and i'm assuming that working there last time was the reason for my weight gain. I mean, before i started working there I weighed 1_5, but after that i gained like 10 pounds! Ewwwwww =/ So I'm giving it up, as well as soda and sweets. It's gonna be hard, but I CAN DOOO ITTT! :D I gave up meat 2 years ago and that actually worked! I only cheated twice, but it paid off in the end. I'm also giving up answering back to my parents. Not just for Lent, but permanently. I hate when i get so defensive about things in front of my parents cos i tend to go overboard, and i know that's their biggest pet peeve is me answering back. And also, i need to be spending as much time as i can with them cos my dad's going to the hospital and getting surgery. I really hope he's gonna be okay. CORRECTION. He will be okay :D I know he's scared to go, and so am i. But the only thing i can do for now is be strong and remind him that everything will be okay. I feel so sorry that he's going through with this. Not just him, but my mom as well. She's having such a hard time and she's been so stressed everyday thinking about the bills and the payments. That's the reason why i'm working again. Even though they probably won't accept the money, i still really wanna help. I'm also saving up for my fees for my two AP tests, cos i'd feel so bad asking my parents for money. Ahhhh this economy, HELLLAAAA SUCKS! =/ FCK YOU BUSH!

Anywaaaaay, Sadies was supposed to be this saturday, but sadly, the group isn't going anymore. I wanted to go at first, cos i know i'll spend time wit my atech bitches :DD and seee ian, LOL but for some reason, one by one, everyone was backin out. Aha. Oh wellllssssss, there's still PROM :DD Still wanting to go with ian, but e_ _ _ asked to go if i didn't have date, soooooooooo idk, we'll seee bout that aha. But i do know that i'm wearing EMERALDDDD! :DD I saw angelina jolie wearing emerald and black at the Oscars, so that inspired me to wear it. And plus, i've never worn green before to any of my dances. But yeah, just gonna save up for PROM! Hopefully it'll be CRAACCKINNNN! hahaha.

Lets seeeeee. . . love lifeee. Hmmmmmmm. . . what to say. There's 3 guys at school who i'm kinna interested in. One who everyone knows i USED to like, but idk, its like i like him one day, i don't the next. Then the second one is always there for me to flirt with, my friend thought he was cute, and i was like WTF, she knew i kinna like him, but still she tried to holla. He does NOT like her though, but he really hasn't been honest with me about his feelings for me. So idk where we stand, but its always fun to flirt with him HAHAHAHA. Then the third one, i have a feeeling he's sorta feeeelin me. He told me we'll go to PROM together if we don't end up having dates, soooo yeaaaah. Idk if that means anything, maybe he was just being nice? LOL. Then, this one guy. . . NOT ATTENDING NORTHWEST, but another TECH schooooool. I've told quite a few of people about him, but i think it's just a crush. Although out of all the guys, I'M HELLA CRUSHIN ON HIMMMMMMM the most. I just hate when i text him, he replies with blank responses. I HATE THAT. We don't really know each other, but i hope we start off with a friendship, cos i'd love to have him as a friend. He seems very focused on school, and thats a major turn on :D His style is perfect. NOT HYPE! cos that style is just whaaaack, but sorta vintage, but he loooksss gooood :D not to mention, he's so HANDSOME! I'll see him tomorrow thoughhh :)

DAAAAMN! This is gettting really long, there's so much more, but i need to study to real quick for APUSH.

God bless, take care :D

Til next time . . .

Sometimes the spark just dies. . .

Why am I fooling myself? He doesn't deserve me. I can do so much better, and everyone's tellin me so.
It's true, I NEED to move on. Holding on to something that's nonexistent won't do me any good. It was a good 2 years, but above all that, I need to accept that sometimes your first love won't always be your last.

You not being there just showed me how much i need to move on, and what everyone's been tellin me is right. You only care about yourself, and you never stick to your word. I don't deserve being treated like shit anymore, and you know what? I should've left you a long ass time ago when you started becoming such a dick to me. I changed, yes I know. But so have you. If you really loved me like you said you did, then you'd accept the change that I made, and wouldn't call me a bitch everyday. I know I can be a bitch, but the love I gave to you was so much more, but I guess you never really appreciated it. The reason for my change made me a stronger person. I'm not the girl you fell in love with, I accept that now.

Looking back at what we had, I realized how much of an asshole you were. I know i complained about you not showing me your love, but you complained back saying i was demanding and bitchy. You had no respect for me, and if you did you'd have treated me so much better. I guess i was was only in love with you in the beginning, because you did what you were supposed to do as a boyfriend. But after awhile, the spark just died and everything felt forced. The 'i love yous' would be said, but no meaning was attached to it.

So i won't cry anymore and I won't feel this way because I don't deserve to. Go be with your girl who's in NEW YORK. I know you love her, so i'm letting you go. Goodbye.

Perfect timing . . .

For so long I've been wanting to start a blog, but never had any time to get around to it. Although with so much happening at the moment, I think now is the perfect time. Soooooo, how the hell do I start this? LOL. Oh! I know..

Okay, today is the 5th of February. One of the most sentimental dates in my life. Exactly two years ago, Ian asked me out. It's that time of year again, where all I could think about are the memories and moments we spent together. We only broke up about less than two months ago, and as early as about a week or two after the breakup, he found a new girl. Question still occurs to me, if he really did care about me like he said he did? Cos finding a new girlfriend after a two year relationship to me is just a bit shady. I know we're not together, but don't people usually take time to heal ? Was I really a horrible girlfriend that he all of a sudden stopped caring? I don't know. I hate admitting the fact that I truly miss him, and I miss what we had. He was my bestfriend, my lover, and my everything for two years and to lose it all at once, is a horrible feeling.

We still remain friends, although being friends with him is harder than I thought. Am I being too selfish to say that I only want him to myself 100%, or nothing at all? AAAAHHHH its driving me insane. Today was supposed to be such an amazing day, but it started out horrible, and nothing's progressing. He made me feel completely out of this world, he was my everything, as I was his. Now it's so heartbreaking to know that another girl is feeling what I had. I still can't seem to get over him, and as every day passes by I keep on telling myself that I'm better than this and I shouldn't worry. But the truth is, I need him.

If you're reading this, I hope you know how much I truly care for you and love you. Happy anniversary though, even if we're not together. This specific date will still remain the best day of my life. I love you <3



"never put a period after the word I LOVE YOU because love should never have an ending. . ."